Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My life is pants optional.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
