Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
