as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
