idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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