JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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