I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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