Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
