if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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