he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
