nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
