You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
