i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
