So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Sober January is a disaster.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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