# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
