She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
