genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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