I intend to get homeless drunk
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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