I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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