You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Life is so much better after having sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
