You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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