just come out here and I will go home with you...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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