Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
