I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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