i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
