Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
