Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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