on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
