why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
