I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
