guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
