This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
