dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
