i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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