wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm like, not good at living.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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