I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
