You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
