i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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