Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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