Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
