My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
