Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
