we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
