I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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