We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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