Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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