He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
