What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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