Already got asked if we're dating
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
