Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
