I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
