I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
