I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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