did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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