I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
