true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
