im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
