32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
