that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
