I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
