I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
