if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
