I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
are you so shy because you have an std?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
