he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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