I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
