Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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