If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
