rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My bed smells like the plague
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
