Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
