I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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