Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
