Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
