Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
FUCK WHALES
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