i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
