I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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