i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
