i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
