i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
