if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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