hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
